just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
