Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
