whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
