I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
