someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
