yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
