we have officially lost it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
