It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
