never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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