you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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