i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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