i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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