So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
