They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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