JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
