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Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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