6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
