I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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