You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
