I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I touched a dick in church today
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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