dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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