So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
