Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
