I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
