It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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