At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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