There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
