I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
