Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
