i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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