i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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