this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
