can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
