Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
