also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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