I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
