You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
