pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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