Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
