I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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