She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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