Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
