Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
