i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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