Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
