Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
