my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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