apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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