Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
