Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
