Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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