I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im holly from the hills drunk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
