Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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