I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
