maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
