It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
