I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
