Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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