Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
