remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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