Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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