I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
