so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet he comes in French.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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