I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
