The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
