Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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