If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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