Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
