I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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